Worried about a relapse, anxious about withdrawal, or just scared of failing? These are some of our top, tried and tested tips for quitting porn, and some resources to help you on your way.
Before we dive in there’s one thing to remember: not all of what we cover here will necessarily be relevant for you, as rebooting is a slightly different process for everyone. So the first step is getting your head around what your porn habit looks like, and the effects it's been having on your life. You'll then be able to approach your reboot based on your own needs.
Cold turkey means pulling the plug on porn totally, from day 1 of your reboot. Now you might read this and think we're being a bit extreme. Is there really a need for cold turkey?
Not everyone who quits porn goes cold turkey – some guys go for a more gradual approach. But if your porn use has become compulsive, a gradual reboot is likely to be more difficult than going all the way from the beginning.
This is because of the impact chronic porn use has on the brain's executive controls. As your ability to delay gratification is weakened, you won't have the same level of self control that you will after recovering. Trying to wean yourself off the porn slowly will keep your cravings alive and strong, like scratching when you have chicken pox.
Although it will be a shock to your system at first and you might experience withdrawal, cold turkey can be a less stressful route to success.
However committed you may be feeling, thanks to those changes in the brain (which are going to revert as you reboot, by the way) your self-restraint might not have enough horsepower to keep you off the porn. REMOJO blocks porn access across your devices, so that you won't be able to cave when the urges kick in. Plus, the app comes with practical lessons on how to manage your cravings so that you gradually get better at flexing your self-control.
Do you need to go for a hard mode reboot? Meaning clean break from all PMO (porn, masturbation, and orgasms). If you have PIED or find real sex is consumed with porn fantasies, this could be the strategy you need. Going hard mode will help you regain your sensitivity and virility and start afresh with a healthy, rewarding sex life when you're fully ready.
When you're having ups and downs during your reboot, having someone to chat to can make all the difference.
If you're in a relationship, read this post on why (and how) you should involve your partner in your process. With REMOJO you can add your girlfriend or a buddy as your accountability partner on the app. That way they can track your progress and be there with some words of motivation – or to celebrate your milestones with you:
‘Once I reached a month, me and my ‘accountability partner’ both rewarded ourselves and went out for the night. For the first night in ages I was able to enjoy myself without constantly thinking about sex. The effect was so powerful I cried tears of triumph and joy when I got home. It convinced me never to go back.’ - Reddit user
Being a part of the community will also help you reframe your experience and step out of that familiar downward spiral of shame. The REMOJO community is an online space for you to share your experience anonymously and connect with others on the same journey. Plus, hearing other people's stories will boost your morale when you're feeling low.
I also spoke with my dad [about] the shit I’m going through. Let me give you some advice: If there is a loved one you’re contemplating sharing your problem with, just [...] do it. It made me feel so much better! - Your Brain On Porn
To avoid a relapse you need to break the habit loop that you've developed around porn, and that involves identifying and eliminating your triggers.
‘What I’ve done differently this time around is something that was so obvious, and yet, I could never do it. I completely took out the visual stimuli. I eliminated all women from my computer screen. I can’t believe how I never saw my own patterns before, but I honestly feel like I was edging the whole time last year. Basically, if you’re quitting something, don’t tease yourself at all! So yeah that little detail changed everything for me and I haven’t had many urges this time around at all.’ - Your Brain On Porn
The unconscious reason why you end up watching porn is usually to do with a trigger. You’ll feel a lot more in control of your reboot as you get to know your triggers, and take action to eliminate or avoid them.
So what are your porn triggers? They might not be as obvious as seeing a flash of boobs on an advert.
The next time you feel an urge to turn to porn, check the situation you're in and the emotions you're feeling.The triggers that cause your urges could be on social media, or on stuff you watch on Netflix. Maybe you dig deeper, and notice that you usually tune in to porn when you're feeling stressed or under pressure, lonely or depressed.
Putting pen to paper and journaling around what triggers you is a great way to get familiar with your own addiction loop, in order to then break out of it. You can use REMOJO to block access to any websites or apps that trigger you across all your devices.
When you've been distracting yourself from things you'd rather not be feeling (and actually numbing those feelings) it can be pretty overwhelming when the emotions start to flood back.
Channeling your energy into a new hobby will make it easier to manage any emotional dips or mood swings. All the energy you used to put into porn might as well go into something new, creative and challenging.
This is a great opportunity to pick up that hobby that’s been at the back of your head for a while – or to finally bring that dream project to life.
Just be sure that your new hobby is a healthy one that's not going to veer you off track with any porn triggers. Also, beware of substituting your addiction, which is an easy trap to fall into. That's why it's essential you actively choose a new, healthy, habit – so you don't end up replacing porn with smoking, gaming, drinking, etc.
‘Projects – I’m less likely to want to look at porn if I’m happier and more fulfilled, and having an active creative life makes me happier [...] It helps me stay sober on multiple levels – a creative outlet’ - Reddit user
Been feeling foggy headed, forgetful or generally indifferent about life? Chronic porn use impacts the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is responsible for that get-up-and-go feeling of motivation. Setting goals will give you something positive to work towards as you reboot.
With REMOJO you'll have access to Foundations: a course covering everything on goal-setting and getting into new routines.
The goals you set don't have to be big at this stage. For example, If you've been dealing with social anxiety, you could set a goal to say yes and go to x amount of social events this month. Or, at work or at school, give yourself a sense of purpose and focus with goals around the grades you want to achieve or a new target you want to reach.
As you reboot, your brain will be getting sharper and clearer every day, and the momentum will begin to pick up; once you hit even the smallest goal, you'll start feeling more confident and motivated to take your life into an exciting new direction.
‘What have I learned so far? Every accomplishment starts with a small initial effort. When you are in a bored state of mind you’re in a lazy state of mind. You will not feel like doing anything that takes effort. But if you start taking the action despite the feeling of laziness you will gain “momentum” and after a few moments you will be fine with doing that action and happy that you took the initial effort. ‘ - Your Brain On Porn
Guess what: as you reboot, you're gonna discover that there's a lot more depth and beauty to sex than porn will have you believe. It's quite likely this shift will happen for you organically as you distance yourself from porn and start realizing how beautiful life really is (sounds cheesy, but it's true).
Once you make an effort to change your perspective, you'll find that your relationships and sex life get way better too, as you distance yourself from porn and start seeing women for they really are, and not just how they look.
‘The way I think about girls has changed. It has become more respectful. Before, the first thing I would think when I saw a girl was: ‘would i f*ck her? I would use lots of disrespectful words to describe women and basically all i saw was boobs, ass and some ‘thing’ to f*ck. Now I see women as the beautiful creatures they are. They are people, not lust objects.’ - Your Brain On Po
Here's a bonus point. If you do relapse, it's ok. It's never too late to get back on it and hit 'REBOOT' again. Instead of beating yourself up about your relapse, focus on the positives of how far you’ve already come:
‘Sooner or later(after more than 100 days) I got back into porn and the loop restarted. 50 days or so would be followed by a relapse followed by another long stretch. So many times I told myself and my girlfriend that I was done this time, only to slip again. I made great progress on the way though:
– I stopped masturbating(Minus the porn slip-ups.)
– I met the greatest girl ever and started dating her seriously.
– I started to take studies more seriously
– I started to really evaluate my friendships and take back the energy wasted on the bad ones.
– I picked up a new hobby in bass and guitar playing.’ - Your Brain On Porn
Relapsing can actually be a serious learning curve where you realize something about your habit loop or discover your triggers, and that self-knowledge will propel you closer to quitting porn for good.
Recovery isn't usually a linear path, and along your way you'll probably discover useful tricks to rebooting that we haven't mentioned here.
Don't question yourself: when you can learn to listen to your inner wisdom, that in itself is a skill that will never fail you in life.
Why not share the reboot wisdom you've gained or extra hacks you've discovered with the REMOJO community, to give some other guys a helping hand.
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